I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
