I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
