i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
