the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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