After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
There are leaves in my underwear?
The air taste purple.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
