Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
