i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
