Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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