The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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