dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
