I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
