Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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