Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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