found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
