No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
