We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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