I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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