bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
