I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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