I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize