Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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