Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Can you bring me the toilet please
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
