trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
