Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
