chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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