I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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