I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Is Oprah even human
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