dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
