i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
