you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
