hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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