We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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