what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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