update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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