Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize