You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
