btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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