Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
