She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
