I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
