we have officially lost it.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
