He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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