I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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