I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
