We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
