he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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