apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize