I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
