Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
