sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
