He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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