Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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