my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
