Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize