I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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