:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
