I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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