did you get engaged???
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize