if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
