I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
