i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
