His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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