I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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