Define "chronic" masturbator.
It's just like the Real World with babies
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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