The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
