I'm so fucking centered right now
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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