I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize
