i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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