Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Are we still banned from the library?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
