atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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