She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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