shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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