my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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