Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
